


r + e

by edwardnygmas



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie lives!!!, Fix-It, M/M, being in love with your best friend is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 14:16:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edwardnygmas/pseuds/edwardnygmas
Summary: Five times Richie wanted to tell Eddie he loved him and one time he did.





	r + e

1.

The first time that Richie wanted to tell Eddie he loved him was after they had encountered Pennywise in the Neibolt house for the first time. Eddie had broken his arm in there, and his mom had found out and angrily took him home.

Richie had been terrified himself, but found that he was mostly worried for Eddie. Pennywise had almost fucking killed him, Eddie could have died, and yet Bill was talking about trying again. No way, Richie thought, no way in hell. 

He rode his bike back to his house, feeling way too guilty for something that hadn’t even been his idea in the first place. It was Bill’s idea, but Richie still couldn’t shake the thought that if something had happened to Eddie, he’d have no one but himself to blame. That fucking clown had broke his arm! As Richie got to his house, he thought about how he had snapped Eddie’s arm back, and how Eddie had been clinging to him when he thought they were about to die. 

Richie had known about his crush on the boy for a while, but this was the first time he really wanted to risk everything and tell him how he felt. He knew what happened in Derry to people like him, he knew that he’d probably get kicked out of his own fucking house if his parents ever found out, but he also trusted Eddie to keep his secret even if he didn’t return his feelings. 

Richie picked up the phone and called Eddie’s house, and his mom answered. 

Oh, uh, hi Mrs. K. It’s Richie, could I talk to Eddie?” 

“Absolutely not. What part of “I don’t want my son being around you anymore” don’t you understand?” 

She had hung up before Richie could respond, and he didn’t know what to do. He just stood there by the phone, tears welling into his eyes. He hated himself in moments like that, when he couldn’t control his emotions, but he was scared that his mom was serious, that he really might never get to see Eddie again. 

After what had happened earlier, he was scared that Eddie might never want to see him again anyways.

He decided that he couldn’t just sit at his house and do nothing. He had to make sure that Eddie was ok, and he would tell him how he felt. 

Richie waited for a few hours, figuring Eddie’s mom had probably taken him to the doctors, then got on his bike and rode to Eddie’s house. The car was in the driveway, meaning he was home, so Richie hid the bike in the bushes and snuck around the side of the house to where Eddie’s window was. He tapped on the glass, suddenly very nervous. A few moments later, Eddie’s face was in the window, and he smiled as he saw Richie. He struggled to get the window open, but then Richie crawled inside and Eddie pulled him into a hug. 

“Shit man, after what we fucking saw earlier you really had to knock on my window like a fucking demon or burglar or something?” 

Eddie was laughing, but Richie saw the cast on his arm and felt horrible. 

“Eds, are you ok?”

He knew that it wasn’t his fault that it had happened, but he still felt protective over Eddie, like he should have been there to stop the clown from getting near him at all. 

“First of all, don’t fucking call me that, second, if you consider a broken arm and my mom putting me on fucking house arrest “ok”, then yeah I’m great!”

Richie looked down at the floor, and Eddie added “I’m ok Rich, are you? What happened after I left?” 

He told Eddie about his fight with Bill, and how everyone had gone their separate ways. 

“Well, thanks for coming over. I was feeling pretty freaked out after all that, and I’m glad you’re here.” 

This was the time, Richie thought. Just tell him how you feel, tell him right now. He swallowed, thinking of how to say it, how Eddie might respond. 

But he couldn’t do it, there was no way. 

He’d tell Eddie one day, but right now he was too fucking ashamed. 

Instead, he gave him another awkward hug, telling him that he could come over anytime. 

They stayed in Eddie’s room for a few hours, playing card games and joking quietly so his mom wouldn’t hear. Then Richie went back home, where he promised himself that by the end of the summer, he would tell Eddie plain and simple the three words he didn’t say that day. 

2\. 

After they defeated IT that summer, Richie wanted nothing more than to confess his love for Eddie. It seemed like the perfect time, they had just killed a demonic monster, and if Richie could do that, this should be easy. The seven of them had walked out of the Neibolt house, filthy with grime and blood and who knows what else, and Richie knew exactly what he wanted to say to Eddie. 

He wanted to look the other boy in the eyes and tell him the truth, none of his usual jokes, nothing that would ruin the moment. 

He would be genuine and it would be coming from his heart. 

Eddie was complaining about how gross it all was, and that he needed to go home and get a shower, and Richie realized that now was his moment. 

But the moment passed, he didn’t speak fast enough and Eddie was on his bike, going home. 

Bill had suggested they all meet up again after they got cleaned up, so Richie went home too, beating himself up for not doing what he had promised himself he would. 

Once he got into the shower, Richie cried. 

He was a very emotional person, but it was something he tried his best to keep a secret, masking it with over the top jokes and acting wild around his friends. He was scared of being vulnerable around them, around anyone for that matter. 

He was mostly crying because they had just killed a fucking monster for god’s sake, and that’s enough to traumatize anyone. 

But he also cried because he imagined Eddie’s reaction to Richie telling him how he felt. What if he laughed at him, what if he stopped being his friend, what if he told everyone at school?! 

Deep down, Richie knew that wasn’t Eddie. He knew Eddie wouldn’t hurt him like that, but the fear was still there. 

Richie got out of the shower, got dressed, and went right back outside to his bike. 

Bill had asked everyone to meet by the lake, but there was somewhere Richie wanted to go first. He rode to the bridge, the “kissing bridge” as everyone at school called it, and slowly got off his bike, looking around to make sure no one was watching him. Kneeling down and using a pocket knife he had grabbed at his house, he carved R+E into the wood, and when it was done, he stood up and looked at the bridge. There were his and Eddie’s initials, for the world to see. He knew that no one but him would know who it stood for, but it made him happy to see it there, because even if he wasn’t brave enough to tell Eddie yet, this was brave in itself. Richie smiled, and got back on his bike to go meet his friends. 

3\. 

The two of them were in the hammock together, in the clubhouse that Ben had built. 

Richie hadn’t been feeling that great earlier, so while everyone else was joking around and playing games, he was content to lie in the hammock, flipping through a comic book.

Until Eddie had approached him, announcing that his ten minutes were up and it was his turn. Richie, always in the mood to bicker with him, had said that there was no verbal agreement, and nothing could have prepared him for Eddie jumping into the hammock with him, squeezing in next to Richie’s legs. 

He kept reading the comic, Eddie occasionally kicking him with his feet. When Richie finished that comic, Eddie asked to look at it, so he tossed it to him and grabbed a new one from the pile next to the hammock. They stayed like that for about an hour, and in that time Richie noticed how normal it felt to him. To be lying so close to the boy he cared about more than anyone else. He felt like it would be so easy right then to just say “Eddie, I really like you.” 

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but with everyone else in the same room, Richie knew he couldn’t do it. This was something personal, something private, and while he trusted his friends more than anything, he wouldn’t admit something like this in front of them all. 

So he kept the thought to himself, cherishing the moment they had together. 

4.

When Richie got the call from Mike, he barely remembered anything from his childhood. But during the plane ride to Derry, his memories started to come back. He remembered his six best friends, how they were inseparable all summer. How they always had the best of times. He especially remembered one short hypochondriac, and the childhood crush that he had on the boy. Fuck, how could he have forgotten Eddie? 

Richie had thought it all over on the plane, thought about how it would feel to reunite with his old friends. He was nervous, but couldn’t pinpoint the reason why. 

Once he got to the Chinese restaurant, his nervousness vanished. Mike, Bill, Bev, and Ben were already there, and Richie found it easy to crack his old jokes and laugh easily, as if they had stayed in touch all those 27 years. 

And then Eddie walked in. 

He was talking to the waiter about all his allergies, but stopped as soon as he saw Richie, locking eyes with him and just staring. 

Richie burst into a huge smile, because seeing Eddie again felt like the best thing that could have happened to him. A flood of emotion overcame him, and he knew he still loved the man. 

“Eddie!” He exclaimed, and Eddie smiled back, joining the group at the table. 

They all laughed and joked, enjoying the meal, and Richie couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Eddie across the table. Because fuck, he looked so good, and every time he looked at him it felt like he remembered another memory from his childhood. It made him sad, because he had never fallen in love with anyone else in his life. He had occasional flings with people, but never love like he had felt for Eddie all those years ago, that was something different, something special. It made him feel childish, because those feelings should have gone away, he was an adult for god’s sake, and Eddie was fucking married anyway. 

What Richie wanted to say was “Fuck Eddie, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, I don’t know how I ever forgot you, and I don’t wanna forget again.” 

But what he did instead was drink as much alcohol as he could get, because he had never been one to admit his feelings like that, and it was obviously much too late now. 

5.

Eddie had risked his life to save Richie from the deadlights, and now he was lying bloody against a wall with a stab wound through his chest. Richie was crouched over him, holding his face in his hands, hoping to god that Eddie would be ok, that he would make it out of there, because Richie didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t. He didn’t know how he could possibly live a life without Eddie. 

“You’re gonna be ok Eds. You hear me, you’re strong and…” 

Richie was crying too hard to finish that thought, but what he wanted to do was say those three words. I love you. 

But with Eddie bleeding out in his arms, he couldn’t bring the words to his mouth. He just held the other man close, wishing it was him that the monster stabbed, because Eddie didn’t deserve that. Eddie, who had always cared so much about everyone else. Eddie, who carried two fanny packs worth of first aid kits in case one of his friends got hurt. Eddie, who had made Richie’s teenage years worthwhile and fun, and who had always made him smile and feel wanted. 

Eddie, who had been the love of Richie’s life. 

The others came running over to them, and everything was a blur from there. They took Eddie’s body, escaping the Neibolt house and rushing to a hospital. 

Richie sat in the waiting room, refusing to leave even to take a shower even though he was covered in blood and filth because he had to know if Eddie would be ok. He felt like the biggest fucking coward to walk the earth, because he had the chance to tell Eddie that he loved him and now he might be dead.

‘Why the fuck didn’t I ever tell him?’ He thought to himself. 

6.

Eddie was out of the hospital, the doctors said it was a miracle that no organs were hit when he was stabbed. He looked pretty rough, his face and chest were both bandaged up and he temporarily needed a cane to walk, but he was alive, and that was what was important to Richie. He still hated himself for not coming clean to Eddie in the Neibolt house; it was something he couldn’t get off his mind. He could have lost Eddie, he almost did lose him. 

Eventually, the others started to leave Derry. Bill was the first to leave, going back to his wife, already inspired for a new book that he promised to send them all a copy of. Then Bev and Ben left together, and Richie felt guilty for being jealous of their happiness. They were his friends, and he was happy for them, but there was that little part of him that wanted what they had. Then Mike was leaving too, telling Richie that he hoped to see him again sometime in the future, leaving Richie and Eddie the last ones in Derry. 

Richie was sure that Eddie would leave any day now, and it terrified him. He didn’t want to spend another 27 years without seeing him, didn’t want to possibly forget again. 

He knew that this was the only other chance he was ever going to get, so one day he picked Eddie up, telling him that he had something to show him. 

As he drove, Richie thought about not doing this. He thought about changing route and stopping at a restaurant for lunch instead, or just going back to the hotel and saying that he changed his mind. But he kept driving, eventually reaching the kissing bridge and parking the car. He realized that Eddie had got very quiet, just looking at him with a wide eyed expression, looking more nervous than usual. 

Too late to back out now, Richie thought, and he stepped out of the car, motioning for Eddie to do the same. He led the other man to the bridge, suddenly remembering all those years ago when Bowers had called him gay in the arcade, in front of all those kids. He had never felt that much shame before, and it made him scared that he was doing the wrong thing by bringing Eddie there. 

Richie took a deep breath, then looked at Eddie standing next to him. He trusted Eddie with his life, this was his best friend. He could do this. 

Even after 27 years, the R+E he had carved into the bridge was still there, and he pointed it out to Eddie. 

“I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time Eds, I um, I fucking love you. It’s always been you.” 

He looked at the ground, too embarrassed to dare look at Eddie, who was staring at the carving in the bridge with shock. 

“When did you do that?” Eddie whispered. 

“That summer, the first time we fought it.” 

Eddie shook his head in disbelief, grabbing Richie’s hand and pointing at a carving a little below Richie’s. 

A heart with an R in it. 

Richie looked at Eddie, not sure how to respond. He couldn’t fucking believe it, it had to be some kind of joke. 

“I did this that same summer Rich.”

Richie’s mouth was hanging open, and he still couldn’t find words to say anything, so Eddie said “I love you too, dumbass.” 

The two of them stood at the bridge, holding hands, and Richie felt like a huge weight had been lifted. This was something he had been so scared of for so long, and yet Eddie had felt the same way about him. He felt like he could cry, he was so happy. He didn’t know where they would go from there, but he felt relieved, content, and for once, Richie felt proud.

**Author's Note:**

> i saw that pic of the kissing bridge with the R in the heart and i just had to write about it.  
this was rushed and i'm more proud of my other reddie fics but i hope you enjoyed <3


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